Objectively, I’ve always known that I was living the dream here in Madrid. My 4-day, 16-hour per week job is about as low-stress as it gets. On my short walk home from the metro to my apartment, I can pick up a bottle of wine, a fresh-baked baguette and a wedge of fabulous cheese without spending over 4 euros. I feasibly could visit a new country every single weekend should I so desire, and generally do travel 2 or 3 times per month. I spend 24/7 in the best possible classroom for learning a new language. I get to meet interesting people from all over the world.

And yet! One of the essential cruelties of being human is how rarely we can appreciate what we have when we’ve got it. Looking back now with some perspective, I’m realizing that it’s only now, 6 months in and 2/3 of the way to the end, that I can finally say I’m truly happy, present, and emotionally invested in my time here in Madrid.

It’s been a bit of a rocky road, to be fair. My first few months were marked by loneliness and feeling lost. Even though just a short time before, I couldn’t imagine a more exciting life than living abroad in Spain, I spent a lot of my time just feeling bored or uncomfortable.

This wore off slowly but steadily, and I started feeling fairly well acclimated after about three months, as you’d probably note from the optimistic tone of that check-in post. Unfortunately, a few weeks after writing that, I got some devastating news from back home that a close family member was seriously ill. I would’ve been reeling no matter where I was living, but it also served as a painful reminder of how far away and useless I was to all my loved ones back home. It threw the immediate future into doubt and made me question everything I was doing and planning.

Ultimately, I recognized that I had no real power to change what was happening no matter where I was, and also acknowledged that if I didn’t focus my energy on enjoying myself here despite the situation, it would all be a stupid waste. And thankfully, though still scary, things are looking brighter now.

A few weeks of constant worry and depression — which coincided with the bitterest stretch of Madrid’s winter (for the record, it DOES get cold here) — slowly started to give way into the calmer, contented days I’ve been enjoying lately.

Some of my tenuous new friendships began to take hold. I continued making the effort to discover and appreciate the many different facets of Madrid. I took lots of exciting short trips while furiously planning big adventures like my Easter break travels in Morocco, the Primavera Sound music festival in Barcelona this June, and an extended stay in Sicily this summer. Frigid winter days began warming into a pleasant early spring. (Can’t really overstate how much of a difference the spring weather makes, honestly.) And one day, I just found myself loving life here and wanting never to leave.

So that’s where I stand today! The past few months have felt pretty transformational, and I’m happy to be out at the other end of them. It’s hard knowing that the rest of my time here is going to go by super-fast just as I’m finally in a place to relish it, but I also recognize that it’s better to keep moving on than to linger where I am. We ultimately made the decision not to renew our contracts for another year in Spain. But I’m not returning to “real life” just yet, either. Though I’ll be going back to the US in August, I’m planning on staying stateside only about six months. I’ll have time to spend with my family, reconnect with my friends, and make preparations for the next big adventure: Korea. Along the way, I hope to also explore some new parts of my own country.

A lot of uncertainty is on the horizon. I do feel sometimes like maybe this should concern me, seeing as how the vast majority of my friends and peers are working on building secure futures — buying houses, continuing education, getting married, planning families. But if there’s anything this past year has taught me so far, it’s that there are so many more possibilities for life than what meets the eye. Whatever I choose, I’ll be okay. For now, I choose the uncertainty and all the good and bad that goes along with it.

Anyway, enough about my feelings! Here’s some of what I’ve been up to since my last check-in. (Most of these will be full-length posts someday, but until then, here’s a taste!)

Took a day trip to La Pedraza, a well-preserved medieval village built by feudal nobility

And Segovia, home to the longest still-standing remnant of the Roman aqueducts built in the 1st century

Returned to Cádiz to pack a big Carnaval celebration into 12 crazy hours

Check out this Carnaval video taken by my friend Fiona (and visit her travel blog while you’re at it: Esprit Oisif)

Took a super-fun trip to Córdoba, where we saw the Mezquita, Roman ruins and other sights that rivaled the rest of Andalucía’s best…

 

and spent a whole day hiking along abandoned railway tracks through gorgeous countryside

Hosted my little brother on his first trip to Europe…

And took him to Barcelona, where we got to see the fabulously weird works of Gaudi…

And hang out on beautiful beaches

Went hiking in the mountains near Madrid, home to a NASA deep space communications base

Andddddddd spent ten wild, incredible days in MOROCCO!!

 

So despite the ups and downs and complicated emotional territory, the past few months have been pretty amazing. The places I’ve seen and things I’ve done had have helped me to realize that despite the difficult moments, travel and living abroad are possibly the best things you can ever do for yourself. Sharing a little bit about the tougher times on this blog shouldn’t be taken as me complaining or expressing anything less than infinite gratitude for the experiences I’m able to have here. It’s just meant to help build an accurate overall portrayal of what this life is like, and hopefully help people to have realistic expectations if they choose to follow in our footsteps. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.